Things on my mind #3: I’ve been rethinking lately
Our stories are what make us. These stories helped shape how I think about men and women.
Things on my mind #3: I’ve been rethinking lately
Our stories are what make us. These stories helped shape how I think about men and women.
Things on My Mind #2: Planet Fitness and Why I Care
I just have so much to say, and I keep trying to tease it all apart, but it wants to come back together in one glop, so I’m sorry. I’m going to break this into four posts to make it
Things on My Mind #2: Planet Fitness and Why I Care
I just have so much to say, and I keep trying to tease it all apart, but it wants to come back together in one glop, so I’m sorry. I’m going to break this into four posts to make it
Things on My Mind #1: Labels Revisited
And I understand, it doesn’t really matter. Labels don’t change who we are, they’re just shorthand to help others understand us. But the further away I get from my life with men, the more I realize how much better off I am now, and it makes me question everything that came before.
Things on My Mind #1: Labels Revisited
And I understand, it doesn’t really matter. Labels don’t change who we are, they’re just shorthand to help others understand us. But the further away I get from my life with men, the more I realize how much better off I am now, and it makes me question everything that came before.
Why I’ve Been Gone
My mother called me at work around 1 p.m. on July 23, and from the tone of her voice as she said my name, I knew instantly something was very wrong. “I think your father’s dead,” she said. I mean – how do you handle that? “I think your father is dying” – OK, the man is alive but it’s very serious. “Your father is dead” – horrible but definite. But, “I think your father is dead”? There was nothing to hold on to.
Why I’ve Been Gone
My mother called me at work around 1 p.m. on July 23, and from the tone of her voice as she said my name, I knew instantly something was very wrong. “I think your father’s dead,” she said. I mean – how do you handle that? “I think your father is dying” – OK, the man is alive but it’s very serious. “Your father is dead” – horrible but definite. But, “I think your father is dead”? There was nothing to hold on to.
“The Link Between Rape and Pornography”
“A lot of researchers will tell you that a link can’t be made between rape and pornography, or that they’re not sure yet if one exists. “Meet someone who does know with certainty.”
“The Link Between Rape and Pornography”
“A lot of researchers will tell you that a link can’t be made between rape and pornography, or that they’re not sure yet if one exists. “Meet someone who does know with certainty.”
Not Inconceivable: Pregnancy after Rape
At least I can’t get pregnant.
This was the thought in my mind when my rapist anally penetrated me. At least I can’t get pregnant. In the midst of the horror I endured, I clung to that thought. What was happening was excruciating, terrifying. But at least I wouldn’t get pregnant. Because becoming pregnant after this would have been even worse. It would have taken a six-hour long period of assault and degradation and stretched it out across nine months. It would have been a daily reminder of what he did to me. I wouldn’t be at home in my own body.
Not Inconceivable: Pregnancy after Rape
At least I can’t get pregnant.
This was the thought in my mind when my rapist anally penetrated me. At least I can’t get pregnant. In the midst of the horror I endured, I clung to that thought. What was happening was excruciating, terrifying. But at least I wouldn’t get pregnant. Because becoming pregnant after this would have been even worse. It would have taken a six-hour long period of assault and degradation and stretched it out across nine months. It would have been a daily reminder of what he did to me. I wouldn’t be at home in my own body.
Up from Bondage
But what I am saying is that this world of BDSM is more than just acts out of context. There’s a lot of philosophy in there – some good, a lot terrible. There are ideas – some harmless, some contemptible. And there is a lot of abuse. A lot.
Up from Bondage
But what I am saying is that this world of BDSM is more than just acts out of context. There’s a lot of philosophy in there – some good, a lot terrible. There are ideas – some harmless, some contemptible. And there is a lot of abuse. A lot.
Tale of Two Children
While he made a lot of noise about creating his “man cave,” he also took classes in cake decorating and baking. (And seriously, why would anyone object to that?!) He valued taking care of his nails and growing out his hair and wearing it in a ponytail. But. But! He was simultaneously strict with how the sexes should relate to each other in a marriage.
Tale of Two Children
While he made a lot of noise about creating his “man cave,” he also took classes in cake decorating and baking. (And seriously, why would anyone object to that?!) He valued taking care of his nails and growing out his hair and wearing it in a ponytail. But. But! He was simultaneously strict with how the sexes should relate to each other in a marriage.
So an Image Gets Posted on the Internet…
What am I saying? I’m saying, would you just take a fucking look at this? And this is what happens, time after time, when these arguments come around. I’m tired of it. Can you get why maybe women want a space for women-born-women only? Can you get why we don’t want these people next to us at MichFest?
So an Image Gets Posted on the Internet…
What am I saying? I’m saying, would you just take a fucking look at this? And this is what happens, time after time, when these arguments come around. I’m tired of it. Can you get why maybe women want a space for women-born-women only? Can you get why we don’t want these people next to us at MichFest?
Victim or Survivor
There’s a thought-provoking post here about what we call people who have been raped. For most of my life, people who were raped were simply “victims.” Then I went through training to work with those people – mostly women –
Victim or Survivor
There’s a thought-provoking post here about what we call people who have been raped. For most of my life, people who were raped were simply “victims.” Then I went through training to work with those people – mostly women –
Prepare to Retch
I don’t even know where to begin … It’s an interview of a “porn actress.” But when you listen to it, it becomes clear that it’s more than that. Quotes: “I moved in next door to this little girl and
Prepare to Retch
I don’t even know where to begin … It’s an interview of a “porn actress.” But when you listen to it, it becomes clear that it’s more than that. Quotes: “I moved in next door to this little girl and
Trans* People Deserve Their Space, Too
I agree, but this is also somewhat maddening. The article, on an addiction recovery site, outlines how trans* people might benefit from having closed meetings that are specifically designed for them. And I agree. If spaces like these are helpful, then they absolutely should have them. I would never dream of impinging on them. But by the same token, women-born-women spaces are just as needed by some, and they also deserve to have them. Also intriguing, in this article, it is a member of a men-only group that objected to the presence of a transman — a perspective I don’t hear much about.
Trans* People Deserve Their Space, Too
I agree, but this is also somewhat maddening. The article, on an addiction recovery site, outlines how trans* people might benefit from having closed meetings that are specifically designed for them. And I agree. If spaces like these are helpful, then they absolutely should have them. I would never dream of impinging on them. But by the same token, women-born-women spaces are just as needed by some, and they also deserve to have them. Also intriguing, in this article, it is a member of a men-only group that objected to the presence of a transman — a perspective I don’t hear much about.
My Trouble with Islam
Just minutes after he was done sexually assaulting me, the man drove me home and gave me a religious lecture along the way.
“It’s too bad you’re not a Muslim,” he said, words I will never forget or forgive. “Because god sees everything that you do, and he knows that you are a bad woman.”
My Trouble with Islam
Just minutes after he was done sexually assaulting me, the man drove me home and gave me a religious lecture along the way.
“It’s too bad you’re not a Muslim,” he said, words I will never forget or forgive. “Because god sees everything that you do, and he knows that you are a bad woman.”
Legalized Prostitution is a Failure
In the past decade or so, several countries, including the Netherlands and Germany, have toyed with legalizing prostitution. They did so because it was argued that legitimizing the industry would lead to greater health regulations and protections for sex workers. It was thought that legalization would lessen the stigma to sex work, reduce human trafficking and result in a win-win-win: prostitutes, customers (“johns” or “punters”) and society would all be better off.
Ten years into the experiment and none of those things have come to pass, according to a detailed (read: lengthy) article in Germany’s Der Spiegel magazine. The article is here and well worth a read. But as it spans five pages, I’ll try to sum it up as best I can.
Legalized Prostitution is a Failure
In the past decade or so, several countries, including the Netherlands and Germany, have toyed with legalizing prostitution. They did so because it was argued that legitimizing the industry would lead to greater health regulations and protections for sex workers. It was thought that legalization would lessen the stigma to sex work, reduce human trafficking and result in a win-win-win: prostitutes, customers (“johns” or “punters”) and society would all be better off.
Ten years into the experiment and none of those things have come to pass, according to a detailed (read: lengthy) article in Germany’s Der Spiegel magazine. The article is here and well worth a read. But as it spans five pages, I’ll try to sum it up as best I can.
All-Male Fox Panel Laments Female Breadwinners
A new survey finds that women are the primary earners in 40 percent of US households. And that’s a sad and scary thing and a sign that “something is going terribly wrong in our society,” according to these men. It’s
All-Male Fox Panel Laments Female Breadwinners
A new survey finds that women are the primary earners in 40 percent of US households. And that’s a sad and scary thing and a sign that “something is going terribly wrong in our society,” according to these men. It’s
My husband’s sex change (Guardian UK)
My husband’s sex change: Living with a man who wants to be a woman (Guardian UK) “From his cheerleaders I learned that in the new political correctness, female solidarity is out. A man in a dress is in. Among women who consider themselves
My husband’s sex change (Guardian UK)
My husband’s sex change: Living with a man who wants to be a woman (Guardian UK) “From his cheerleaders I learned that in the new political correctness, female solidarity is out. A man in a dress is in. Among women who consider themselves
So Your Husband’s a MtF Crossdresser or Transsexual…
There was talk from time to time about a “wives’ bill of rights,” which addressed things such as your right to have your husband be a man if that’s what you got on your wedding day. And your right not to have your husband steal your panties and wear them. Which is good, I guess. But I’m here to say that from my experience, at least, this was not all good times at the mall and getting our nails done side by side. In fact, it sucked. And that bill of rights needs an edit. So here I go.
So Your Husband’s a MtF Crossdresser or Transsexual…
There was talk from time to time about a “wives’ bill of rights,” which addressed things such as your right to have your husband be a man if that’s what you got on your wedding day. And your right not to have your husband steal your panties and wear them. Which is good, I guess. But I’m here to say that from my experience, at least, this was not all good times at the mall and getting our nails done side by side. In fact, it sucked. And that bill of rights needs an edit. So here I go.
Ladyface, You Got the Cutest Little Ladyface…
Another form of blackface still exists. Men put on elaborate costumes and cake on makeup in a caricature of women, calling it drag. That form of ‘ladyface’ is overt. But there’s another kind that that’s more insidious, and that happens when male-to-female transgender people try to become living stereotypes of all that women are supposed to be, circa 1958.
Ladyface, You Got the Cutest Little Ladyface…
Another form of blackface still exists. Men put on elaborate costumes and cake on makeup in a caricature of women, calling it drag. That form of ‘ladyface’ is overt. But there’s another kind that that’s more insidious, and that happens when male-to-female transgender people try to become living stereotypes of all that women are supposed to be, circa 1958.
Jail Logs: Cleveland Suspect Castro Polite To Guard
I wonder how he likes the irony.
Jail Logs: Cleveland Suspect Castro Polite To Guard
I wonder how he likes the irony.
My Trust Issues with Men, Part III: With Friends Like That…
Of all the reasons I mistrust men, this is the worst of them. It’s the worst because it is the harshest betrayal. It’s the worst because it shook my faith that men could ever be trusted at all. If these “male feminists” are the ones who call us their friends, what can we expect from the ones who declare us their enemy?
My Trust Issues with Men, Part III: With Friends Like That…
Of all the reasons I mistrust men, this is the worst of them. It’s the worst because it is the harshest betrayal. It’s the worst because it shook my faith that men could ever be trusted at all. If these “male feminists” are the ones who call us their friends, what can we expect from the ones who declare us their enemy?
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