Category Archives: Bio
Things on my mind #3: I’ve been rethinking lately
Our stories are what make us. These stories helped shape how I think about men and women.
Things on my mind #3: I’ve been rethinking lately
Our stories are what make us. These stories helped shape how I think about men and women.
Things on My Mind #1: Labels Revisited
And I understand, it doesn’t really matter. Labels don’t change who we are, they’re just shorthand to help others understand us. But the further away I get from my life with men, the more I realize how much better off I am now, and it makes me question everything that came before.
Things on My Mind #1: Labels Revisited
And I understand, it doesn’t really matter. Labels don’t change who we are, they’re just shorthand to help others understand us. But the further away I get from my life with men, the more I realize how much better off I am now, and it makes me question everything that came before.
Why I’ve Been Gone
My mother called me at work around 1 p.m. on July 23, and from the tone of her voice as she said my name, I knew instantly something was very wrong. “I think your father’s dead,” she said. I mean – how do you handle that? “I think your father is dying” – OK, the man is alive but it’s very serious. “Your father is dead” – horrible but definite. But, “I think your father is dead”? There was nothing to hold on to.
Why I’ve Been Gone
My mother called me at work around 1 p.m. on July 23, and from the tone of her voice as she said my name, I knew instantly something was very wrong. “I think your father’s dead,” she said. I mean – how do you handle that? “I think your father is dying” – OK, the man is alive but it’s very serious. “Your father is dead” – horrible but definite. But, “I think your father is dead”? There was nothing to hold on to.
Not Inconceivable: Pregnancy after Rape
At least I can’t get pregnant.
This was the thought in my mind when my rapist anally penetrated me. At least I can’t get pregnant. In the midst of the horror I endured, I clung to that thought. What was happening was excruciating, terrifying. But at least I wouldn’t get pregnant. Because becoming pregnant after this would have been even worse. It would have taken a six-hour long period of assault and degradation and stretched it out across nine months. It would have been a daily reminder of what he did to me. I wouldn’t be at home in my own body.
Not Inconceivable: Pregnancy after Rape
At least I can’t get pregnant.
This was the thought in my mind when my rapist anally penetrated me. At least I can’t get pregnant. In the midst of the horror I endured, I clung to that thought. What was happening was excruciating, terrifying. But at least I wouldn’t get pregnant. Because becoming pregnant after this would have been even worse. It would have taken a six-hour long period of assault and degradation and stretched it out across nine months. It would have been a daily reminder of what he did to me. I wouldn’t be at home in my own body.
Up from Bondage
But what I am saying is that this world of BDSM is more than just acts out of context. There’s a lot of philosophy in there – some good, a lot terrible. There are ideas – some harmless, some contemptible. And there is a lot of abuse. A lot.
Up from Bondage
But what I am saying is that this world of BDSM is more than just acts out of context. There’s a lot of philosophy in there – some good, a lot terrible. There are ideas – some harmless, some contemptible. And there is a lot of abuse. A lot.
Tale of Two Children
While he made a lot of noise about creating his “man cave,” he also took classes in cake decorating and baking. (And seriously, why would anyone object to that?!) He valued taking care of his nails and growing out his hair and wearing it in a ponytail. But. But! He was simultaneously strict with how the sexes should relate to each other in a marriage.
Tale of Two Children
While he made a lot of noise about creating his “man cave,” he also took classes in cake decorating and baking. (And seriously, why would anyone object to that?!) He valued taking care of his nails and growing out his hair and wearing it in a ponytail. But. But! He was simultaneously strict with how the sexes should relate to each other in a marriage.
Victim or Survivor
There’s a thought-provoking post here about what we call people who have been raped. For most of my life, people who were raped were simply “victims.” Then I went through training to work with those people – mostly women –
Victim or Survivor
There’s a thought-provoking post here about what we call people who have been raped. For most of my life, people who were raped were simply “victims.” Then I went through training to work with those people – mostly women –
My Trouble with Islam
Just minutes after he was done sexually assaulting me, the man drove me home and gave me a religious lecture along the way.
“It’s too bad you’re not a Muslim,” he said, words I will never forget or forgive. “Because god sees everything that you do, and he knows that you are a bad woman.”
My Trouble with Islam
Just minutes after he was done sexually assaulting me, the man drove me home and gave me a religious lecture along the way.
“It’s too bad you’re not a Muslim,” he said, words I will never forget or forgive. “Because god sees everything that you do, and he knows that you are a bad woman.”
So Your Husband’s a MtF Crossdresser or Transsexual…
There was talk from time to time about a “wives’ bill of rights,” which addressed things such as your right to have your husband be a man if that’s what you got on your wedding day. And your right not to have your husband steal your panties and wear them. Which is good, I guess. But I’m here to say that from my experience, at least, this was not all good times at the mall and getting our nails done side by side. In fact, it sucked. And that bill of rights needs an edit. So here I go.
So Your Husband’s a MtF Crossdresser or Transsexual…
There was talk from time to time about a “wives’ bill of rights,” which addressed things such as your right to have your husband be a man if that’s what you got on your wedding day. And your right not to have your husband steal your panties and wear them. Which is good, I guess. But I’m here to say that from my experience, at least, this was not all good times at the mall and getting our nails done side by side. In fact, it sucked. And that bill of rights needs an edit. So here I go.
Reporting While Female
I was taking a tour of a local factory as part of some announcement or other. I’d been there several times, as it was a major local employer and covering that industry was the key part of my beat. I felt pretty comfortable there, and many of the employees knew me on a first-name basis. So when one of the workers called me over to his work area, I thought nothing of it. I didn’t know the guy, but he seemed to know me. And then he said, “What do you think about this?” He yanked a magazine off of a corkboard near his workstation and flashed it at me: a rather boring pin-up picture of an airbrushed woman wearing a thong and a bikini top that did nothing other than cover the nipples.
Reporting While Female
I was taking a tour of a local factory as part of some announcement or other. I’d been there several times, as it was a major local employer and covering that industry was the key part of my beat. I felt pretty comfortable there, and many of the employees knew me on a first-name basis. So when one of the workers called me over to his work area, I thought nothing of it. I didn’t know the guy, but he seemed to know me. And then he said, “What do you think about this?” He yanked a magazine off of a corkboard near his workstation and flashed it at me: a rather boring pin-up picture of an airbrushed woman wearing a thong and a bikini top that did nothing other than cover the nipples.
Gender: I Earned My Opinions
On the first date with the man who would become my husband, he told me, “I like to wear women’s clothes. Is that going to be a problem?” O, denial. I decided he must be joking, so I laughed and said, “Of course not.”
Gender: I Earned My Opinions
On the first date with the man who would become my husband, he told me, “I like to wear women’s clothes. Is that going to be a problem?” O, denial. I decided he must be joking, so I laughed and said, “Of course not.”
My Trust Issues With Men, Part II: Un-Gentlemanly Callers
One of the first thing a hotline volunteer learns on the job is that many of the calls that come in are made by the same group of people. We call them regulars. They may call once a week, once a day or even once an hour. Many of these regulars really do need help. Some are paranoid schizophrenics. Some are chronically lonely. I truly believed that being on the other end of that phone line for them was worthwhile.
But then there’s another sort of regular. We called them the masturbators.
My Trust Issues With Men, Part II: Un-Gentlemanly Callers
One of the first thing a hotline volunteer learns on the job is that many of the calls that come in are made by the same group of people. We call them regulars. They may call once a week, once a day or even once an hour. Many of these regulars really do need help. Some are paranoid schizophrenics. Some are chronically lonely. I truly believed that being on the other end of that phone line for them was worthwhile.
But then there’s another sort of regular. We called them the masturbators.
My Trust Issues with Men, Part I: Male GyNO
I don’t know that I’ll ever completely trust a male doctor with that again. I just don’t think a lot of them get it.
My Trust Issues with Men, Part I: Male GyNO
I don’t know that I’ll ever completely trust a male doctor with that again. I just don’t think a lot of them get it.
Harassed for the Junk in her Trunk
I swear I started this blog because I wanted to write about my own baggage, but the junk in someone else’s trunk has distracted me. Literally.
Harassed for the Junk in her Trunk
I swear I started this blog because I wanted to write about my own baggage, but the junk in someone else’s trunk has distracted me. Literally.
Life: 30something to Today
I love Evangeline. Love her heart and body and soul.
Life: The Not-So-Gay 20s
When he finally leaves, I take a shower and get ready for work. I tell only one person, an ex-boyfriend who had claimed to be a feminist. He says I was stupid to let it happen. And I feel stupid, but tell myself that what has happened won’t change me. I swear it won’t …
Life: The Not-So-Gay 20s
When he finally leaves, I take a shower and get ready for work. I tell only one person, an ex-boyfriend who had claimed to be a feminist. He says I was stupid to let it happen. And I feel stupid, but tell myself that what has happened won’t change me. I swear it won’t …
Life: the Teen Years
My grandfather is dying there of lung cancer, except no one will tell him he has lung cancer. He’s kept doped up on morphine. On our last day there, I play him a song on the violin and he calls me over for a hug.
“My darling, you came here a girl, and now you leave here a woman,” he said, and I blush awkwardly. “Now, we have to get you on the pill.”
Life: the Teen Years
My grandfather is dying there of lung cancer, except no one will tell him he has lung cancer. He’s kept doped up on morphine. On our last day there, I play him a song on the violin and he calls me over for a hug.
“My darling, you came here a girl, and now you leave here a woman,” he said, and I blush awkwardly. “Now, we have to get you on the pill.”
Life through age 10
My parents take me aside. They sit me down and tell me quite seriously that when I grow up, I can be absolutely anything I want to be. I think about it a minute and proclaim, “I want to be a daddy!”
“Except that,” they say.
Life through age 10
My parents take me aside. They sit me down and tell me quite seriously that when I grow up, I can be absolutely anything I want to be. I think about it a minute and proclaim, “I want to be a daddy!”
“Except that,” they say.
Who am I? What am I doing?
I’ve got some junk that needs sorting through. Care to pitch in?
Who am I? What am I doing?
I’ve got some junk that needs sorting through. Care to pitch in?
FeminGenUality 
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