Who am I? What am I doing?

Ah, the famous words of James Stockdale

After doing some reading, which led to some thinking, I simply wanted some space to sort out my thoughts and experiences with feminism, gender and sexuality. No big whoop, right? I don’t claim to be an expert. In fact, I’ll tell you emphatically that I’m not. However, I’ve had some experiences that are, in my opinion, a bit outside the ordinary. I was raised to be a feminist by parents who told me when I was 3 years old that I could be anything I wanted to be. When I said I wanted to be a daddy, they told me I couldn’t, and I was heartbroken. In college, I helped lead a reproductive rights action group, and I’ve tried to live life on my own terms. I live with my girlfriend. I’ve been married to a man. He is transgendered and wanted to “become a woman.” I’ve dabbled with crossdressing and found it to be jolly good fun, but I am, and will always be, a woman. I’ve been raped. More than once. I was molested by my uncle. I was in an abusive relationship with a man who threw me down a flight of stairs and broke my finger. That was almost 23 years ago. I don’t want to talk to him anymore, but as recently as two months ago, he tracked me down again. He won’t accept that I won’t forgive and I won’t forget.

In other words, I’ve got some junk that needs sorting through. Care to pitch in?



  1. J

    I’m all for sorting through junk. Where do you want to start? I will comment/reply to your posts and if you want to start a dialogue please do. I’m enjoying reading your blog. Here’s mine.

  2. I’ve read through backwards and I love your blog, thank you so much for putting your experiences out there. 🙂

  3. Asuka, it’s funny you say that. My dad sometimes jokingly accuses me of living life backwards because I’m always remembering things and going over them in my mind. As he says, life has to be lived forward. Still, I think we can only really understand it by looking back. Thanks for reading!

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