Lies My Ex-Husband Told Me: If I Got a Vagina, It’d be Just Like Yours

Back in the day when I was married to a man who wanted to be a woman, I was told a number of things that flat-out weren’t true. One of them went like this: If I were to have a constructed vagina, it would be indistinguishable from yours.

This is so untrue. How untrue? Let’s count a dozen ways. I’ll expand it out a bit to encompass all the female reproductive organs. They’re equally important to me, as I happen to own the full set of them, and I understand that a woman’s biological reality is greater than just labia, vagina and clitoris. But this is all you get with a sex change sex reassignment surgery gender reassignment surgery. Because if you can’t see it, I guess it doesn’t matter.

  1. I have a cervix, uterus, fallopian tubes and ovaries. A person with a “created vagina” won’t have any of them.
  2. I have an actual vagina, which is an actual organ that has evolved over time to carry out specific purposes. A “created vagina” is likely have a hollowed-out penis inverted and placed inside the pelvis. Some are formed from portion of lower intestine grafted into place. These are not the same thing as a vagina, much like someone who has a mechanical heart does not have an actual heart. (And in fact, a man who has ‘vaginal’ sex with a constructed vagina is most likely having sex with an inverted penis. Interesting thought.)
  3. My vagina ends at a cervix. A constructed vagina does not.
  4. Treat her well, and my vagina will get wet. A constructed vagina almost always requires lube, no matter the age or state of arousal of its owner.
  5. My vagina intermittently bleeds. A constructed vagina should only do this around the time it’s created.
  6. My vagina can expand to accommodate a baby’s head. Not only can’t a constructed vagina do this, but it will never need to.
  7. My clitoris is an amazing organ, the only one on the human body designed solely for sexual pleasure, complete with 8,000 nerve endings. A constructed vagina may include the creation of a constructed clitoris, made from the tip of a penis – but a penis has just 4,000 nerve endings.
  8. My orgasm is not like the orgasm of a person with a created vagina. How do I know? Because my orgasm involves the contractions of the cervix and uterus, which don’t exist in a person with created vagina.
  9. My vagina doesn’t have hair growing inside of it, but this is a concern with someone who has a created vagina.
  10. Similarly, my clitoris doesn’t have hair growing underneath the hood – another hazard of a constructed vagina.
  11. My vagina doesn’t need dilators to hold its shape. Constructed vaginas do.
  12. I don’t have a prostate, but people who get a constructed vagina keep theirs. (Women have Skene’s glands, which are formed from the same embryonic tissue as prostates, but they function differently.)

I don’t point these things out to be hateful or unkind. I just got tired of the lie repeated so often – that a transsexual’s organs are the same of mine. They’re just not. They are what they are, and they aren’t what they aren’t. And, frankly, to say that what I’ve had since birth is just the same as what someone else got on a surgical table yesterday are the same is insulting.

P.S. – Happy International Clitoris Week!


  1. Many good points, I must say. I count myself extremely lucky to be born with ladyparts (especially since I’m a freak who doesn’t get headaches, cramps, bloating, etc during “that time”). I do sympathize completely with trans people…the medical community does it’s best, and sex reassignment surgery has progressed immensely…but you’re right. It’s still not the same, even with hormones and “body sculpting” techniques.

    Of course, trans men and women should still be referred to as their “real” sex, even if it’s not completely kosher. It’s not their fault they were born in the wrong body, after all.

    P.S. – Many thanks for the pingback! Count me as a new follower. 🙂

  2. It’s ridiculous that this would even be controversial to write. It’s one thing to support a person’s choices, but does that mean accepting everything one believes even when it’s clearly false? To do so is just enabling delusion at that point.

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